


Learning to love again (( is killing me )))

by Naughtyavengers



Category: hobbit - Fandom
Genre: Cancer, Death, Falling In Love Again, M/M, Modern Hobbit, Mpreg, Slow Burn, Tumor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-06 09:40:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15192026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naughtyavengers/pseuds/Naughtyavengers
Summary: When the love of your life dies? How does one go on ? Dwalin is slowly learning this....





	1. Smiley

Dwalin walked in and saw his husband standing in the middle of sunroom with a huge smile on his face. “What are you so happy about smiley ?” He asked as he lend forward to kiss him softly on the lips.  
“Thinking about how happy I am that you are my husband.” Thorin said taking Dwalin’s hand in his own for a second before nodding towards a bag in the middle of the room.  
“For me ?” Dwalin asked stepping towards to the present and picking it up. It had blue paper sticking out and a stroke on it. “What did you do that I haven’t found out? Did you put a hole in the wall again ? Or …”

“Shut up and open it.“Thorin said with a smile he hadn’t seen on his face in a long time since his headaches Became more and more frequent. Dwain could tell he had one right at his moment but he had a smile on his face and was practically pouncing where he stood.  
“If it’s a hole you are to fixing it .” Dwalin teased as he struggled with the ribbon that his husband’s puts on all his presents. He chuckled remembering the giant hole that Thorin put in his Own wall when he tried to hang something up. He made Dwalin his favorite Meal before telling him . Dwalin end up laughing and fixing it, that night they laid in each other’s arms as Dwalin laughed some more. Whatever he did must be big because was he was going all out.

“Stop being a smart ass and open it up .” Thorin said playfully hitting his arms and stand back to watch his husband opened his present. Dwalin could see how excited he was and Dwalin wondered what got him like that.

Dwalin pulled out a box with a baby bottles on the wrapping paper. Dwalin looked up a little confused as he ripped the paper. To reveal a box that was used to hold a watch Dwalin gave Thorin last Christmas. Dwalin opened the box and was greeted by two positive pregnancy test and a sonogram of with an arrow pointing towards a little pea. “Our baby.” Written.  
“I took two to make sure. And went to the doctor too ..He says I am …and I asked for a sonogram to show you.. the little pea is our child.” Thorin said rushing into Dwalin’s arms and burying his face in His husband’s chest. “You are going to be a daddy.”  
Dwalin stood there in shocked for a second, they had been trying for at least a year to have a child with no luck and he thought they won’t. They even talked about adoption and would have to save up for it. Which is way Dwalin had taken more jobs because this is what Thorin wanted and Dwalin would be do anything for him.

“Baby I love you. ” Dwalin said as he held his thin frame because he hasn’t been eating because of his headache. “You need to eat more now. ” Dwalin said pushing back to put his hand on his stomach. “Our baby is in there.”

——  
Two months they lived in bliss except for the occasional headache they were happy. Thorin began to show early because of his weight and he had a tiny little bump on his stomach were there tiny pea was growing. Thorin was being good even eating when he didn’t want to for their baby. Thorin was convinced that it was a boy and always called the baby “he.”

“He is hungry today …He is moving a lot.” He would tell Dwalin as they lay in bed in each other’s arms. One night he got upset when he heard that Dwalin had a big head as a baby and that their baby would and he didn’t want to push the baby out. His emotion was high and he cried in Dwalin’s arms over their big headed baby. Dwalin was trying not to laugh and told Thorin he could get a c-section but that Only made him more upset thinking that Dwalin won’t love him with an ugly scar. So besides Thorins mood swings things were good until that Sunday morning …

“Thorin ? Thorin ? They didn’t have jelly donuts so I got like fifty munkins and clean them out but I ….Thorin !” Dwalin walked into the kitchen to see Thorin collapsed by the sink the water still running from where he was doing dishes, he was laying there with a broken coffee cup next to him.

“Thorin ?! Baby !!! Please .” Dwain said rushing to him and shaking him. “No! Baby please…” he said wiping away the blood from his nose before listening for air coming from his mouth. A soft gasp left Thorins mouth and Dwalin sighed with relief. But it was short lived as he rushed over to the phone.  
“Yes my husband …I found him on the floor in our kitchen. He is four and half months pregnant…noi don’t know what happened. He has headaches…He was complaining of one today…Um we live 158 North Elm…the cottage is all the way in the back…it’s hidden….”


	2. To say goodbye

“You need....”

“Don’t tell me what I need to do!!” Dwalin snapped at Thorins sister over the beeping of the machines that was keeping Thorin alive. Thorin was brain dead and won’t wake up. Dwalin was face with the difficult choice of keeping Thorin alive long enough for their child to to be delivered. 

“He ....” Dwalin said glancing over to Thorin, he kept on hoping that those baby blues would open again. Thorin couldn’t be gone...they were suppose to grow old together. Ten years he pinned for Thorin and Five years he had him as his love. “Can’t be gone.” Dwalin voice cracked as his knees gave out. 

Dis immediately rushed over to Dwalin and pulled him into an embrace. “I know ...I know.” She rocked with him as both sobbed. Both losing the man that meant the world to them.

——-  
“Here She is.” Dwalin said holding the small bundle wrapped in a pink blanket. Thora names after her mama was tiny because of Thorin being basically an incubator until she could be delivered. 

“She has your eyes and nose.” Dwalin said speaking to Thorin on his hospital bed. Thorin just laid there but Dwalin knew that Thorin somehow knew. 

“Thora...your mama. He survived just for you. He wanted you so badly. Was all that he talked about. He thought you were a ‘He’ but we can forgive him for that.” Dwalin took one of Thorins hand and brought to the baby’s face. “He will be with you always when you first talk...first walk. When you get dressed for the prom...your mama will be there.”

———

Dwalin climb onto the bed his body fitting himself around Thorin, his head on Thorins chest listening to his heart beating. Tears were streaming down his face as he reached for Thorin’s hand and intertwined their fingers. Thorin wasn’t squeezing back hasn’t for five months. Not since that morning Dwalin went out for donuts. 

“I love you. “ Dwalin whispered into Thorins ear. Selfishly he wanted to keep Thorin here with him. It wasn’t what Thorin wanted and it was unfair to him. He wasn’t living just a shell. He should have let him die that day if it wasn’t for their daughter. That was something Thorin wanted was for his daughter to live. “I promise that I will let you live through our daughter. Thorin i don’t regret a second that I had with you. “ 

Dwalin heard the machines being turned off and all color drained from him, he felt cold as he heard Thorins heart slowing down. Until he couldn’t hear it.

——-  
“Mama has gone with the angels.” Dwalin rocked the tiny baby. Thorin was pronounced dead an hour ago. Dwalin felt numb but at the same time relief which made him full guilty.

The door opening had Dwalin looking up. The young nurse came Walking in. Dwalin managed a polite smile. But his heart was shattered in a million pieces laying in the room down the hall


	3. A chance encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A big thanks to @wxxpingking on Tumblr who co-write this chapter with me

Thranduil always hated cases like this. When the mother has died. Made him all the more determined to keep his little patient alive. To give the other parent a last piece of their loved ones to hold onto and cherish. Knocking on the door he opened it and walked in.  
Smiling softly to the man holding his tiny little daughter. She was slightly premature and a little malnourished but that would change. She would be a strong little girl. They’d give her everything she’d need.  
“Hello, my name is Thranduil Oropherson, I am the head nurse in charge of ms. Thora. Others will help but I’m the main in charge. Should you need anything I will see to it that it’s done. Would you like to feed her or would you be more comfortable if I do it?” 

 

“I don’t know how?” Dwalin said looking up at the male nurse. He was so focused on Thorin that he hadn’t even took any classes. Which Thorin had actually signed them up for, the first class would have been that coming Friday on the same week Thorin collapse never to wake up.  
“She won’t die? “ he asked looking down at the last thing Thorin gave to him. The little gift that Thorin stayed alive to bring into this world. Dwalin brought his little girl close to him and began sobbing. “She can’t…..I lost her mama an hour ago” 

“She’s strong, barely a premie. Her momma did a good job. I suspect she’ll make it just fine and have normal health.” Thranduil tried to reassure. He brought up a chair beside Dwalin. “I can teach you. It isn’t hard. They’re basically pre-programmed to suckle.”  
Shaking the warmed bottle he poured some of the milk on his wrist. “You want it warm but not too hot. Here see?” He dabbed a little on Dwalin’s wrist to let him feel the temperature.

“How will I know if she had enough?” He looked down at the spot on his arm. The formula was warm and he got the idea in how warm it should. He gently handed Thora to the male nurse so that he could see How it was done. “She’ll be alright ? Without her momma’s milk.?”

“Oh you’ll see. She’ll slow down.” Taking the sweet bundle in his arms he smiled to her. “Hello little one,” gently placing her in the crook of his arms. “See you hold her like this so she’s secure and is slightly tilted up so gravity can help her swallow.”  
“She will be fine. The formula is much better now than it was when you and I were babies. I did just fine on it…. my mother died giving birth to me.” Shaking the bottle again he held it to her lips. “Sometimes she won’t accept it. She might be not hungry or her diaper might not need changing. Since she will be here still for a while she’ll have all the emergency needs you don’t need to worry if she refuses too much.”  
Thankfully though she greedily took the bottle and began eating. “There we go, now sometimes they forget to come up for air. So you gotta wait a few seconds and then gently pull the bottle back.” He demonstrated. “See easy. Now you wait another few seconds and repeat.”

——  
“Sweetie.” Dwalin said lending over incubator where his daughter was sleeping, today was Thorins funeral. Many came to pay respects to a great man who made everyone live better. A lot wanted to meet the little girl but Dwalin shook his head. He wasn’t ready for her to seen even in pictures.  
“Was she good today ?” He asked placing his finger in a hole so that she could hold onto it.

Thranduil was writing on her chart. “Oh yes, you should of heard her burp after she ate. It was hilarious. She sounded like a little man. Her lungs sure are strong.” He smiled softly. Knowing that he still must be suffering so much.  
“Would you like to hold her?” He asked coming over. Brushing a loose lock of blonde hair back.

 

“Burps like her mama….mama used to.” He still was Finding it hard using past tense to talk about Thorin. It still felt very unreal like he was in a dream.

“Yes.” Dwalin answered when asked if he wanted to Hold his daughter.!

“I thought you’d might.” Thranduil smiled, “here sit down,” he pulled up a nice chair. It rocked so family and nurses could soothe little ones. Going to the incubator he took the little darling out. Careful of all the monitoring wires and such.  
Carefully he laid her in Dwalin’s arms. Tucking the blanket around her. “Aw look she’s smiling.” She was tucked up under Dwalin’s chin so he wouldn’t be able to see. So he quickly took a pic with his phone and showed the picture to Dwalin. “I can send it to you if you’d like?”  
Thora had a sleepy grin on her face. Her little hands grasping onto Dwalin’s shirt.

Please.” He said as he reached inside a bag by his side and pulled out a shirt that Thorin had worn. He gently lifted Thora up and wrapped the shirt around her. He didn’t want Thora to forget her mama.

With a few clicks thranduil sent it. “She won’t forget him. Sometimes when I dream I can hear my mom even though I never met her.” Seeing the shirt and seeing that it was far too small to be Dwalin’s so he assumed it was the babies mother.

 

“She was all he ever wanted. Barely dating when he mention how he wanted to be pregnant. I know …most people would ran. “ Dwalin brushed his daughter tiny hairs as he lend down to kiss her. “It’s just his face was so full of love for the child he wanted. Of course it won’t be easy for us. I honestly thought we couldn’t…until he surprised me. Our miracle baby….a tumor would take all of that away from us.”

He put a kind hand on Dwalin’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry,” he adjusted some wiring on Thora and made sure she was stable before saying. “If you want some time alone with her that’s fine. You can page me if you need me.”

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a slow burn with Dwalin ending up with Thranduil but first he has to learn to live again.
> 
>  
> 
> It will eventually be Explict ...


End file.
